10/07/2010
Dear Brother,
As i write this you are currently extremely drunk in the other room eating my left over crisps and playing the xbox how you will manage this drunk i will never know but its you and you always play the xbox drunk so I'm sure it's not that big a problem!.
Its been two weeks since I came out to mammy and daddy and you've yet to say anything to me about it and being honest I think i'm great-ful you haven't I don't think I could handle someone else talking to me about it as it still scares me at times. Before you came home a few mins ago I was going through a period of anxiety I tend to get them from time to time being honest I think i'm just so wound about results and exams and college and coming out that its like a tiny burden resting on my mind and chest that I can't get rid of no matter how hard i try to. I really wanna go and get help for it but the problem is I don't think its wise to until I get my results as id they're directly related then I could save myself a few bob aka 60 quid but then theres other times when I just wanna cry becasue i feel so scared about a death that i'm not going to feel because I have learned that this new pain I keep feeling in my arm is in fact a direct result of my panic and its so silly that my body can be so out of control just by thoughts but i guess it's all them chemicals mega fail.
The other day actually I was talking to Ruth about how now im sure you remember this how you used to take pride in making my upset you used to love to sabotage me it was fun for you but honestly I think it shaped me as a person so i'm going to forgive you because i'm a nice person even though it took you a while to figure that out!
I'm going to go now and relax and then head to bed i have an early start tomoz so hopefully i'll be fresh i highly doubt this!
Night, Love Always
Ehigg92
<3
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