Day 4 - My Sibling (Brother)

10/07/2010

Dear Brother,
As i write this you are currently extremely drunk in the other room eating my left over crisps and playing the xbox how you will manage this drunk i will never know but its you and you always play the xbox drunk so I'm sure it's not that big a problem!.

Its been two weeks since I came out to mammy and daddy and you've yet to say anything to me about it and being honest I think i'm great-ful you haven't I don't think I could handle someone else talking to me about it as it still scares me at times. Before you came home a few mins ago I was going through a period of anxiety I tend to get them from time to time being honest I think i'm just so wound about results and exams and college and coming out that its like a tiny burden resting on my mind and chest that I can't get rid of no matter how hard i try to. I really wanna go and get help for it but the problem is I don't think its wise to until I get my results as id they're directly related then I could save myself a few bob aka 60 quid but then theres other times when I just wanna cry becasue i feel so scared about a death that i'm not going to feel because I have learned that this new pain I keep feeling in my arm is in fact a direct result of my panic and its so silly that my body can be so out of control just by thoughts but i guess it's all them chemicals mega fail.

The other day actually I was talking to Ruth about how now im sure you remember this how you used to take pride in making my upset you used to love to sabotage me it was fun for you but honestly I think it shaped me as a person so i'm going to forgive you because i'm a nice person even though it took you a while to figure that out!

I'm going to go now and relax and then head to bed i have an early start tomoz so hopefully i'll be fresh i highly doubt this!


Night, Love Always
Ehigg92
<3

Day 3 - My Parents

02/07/2010

Dear Mammy And Daddy,
I'm sorry...
Love Ehigg92

Day 2 - My Crush

01/07/2010

Dear Crush ,
This past week you have helped me so much and been there when I needed you especially on Saturday night when you had been working and as soon as I told you the news you were there for me right away. However i'm sorry that I kinda stopped texting you that night just for some reason talking to you was kinda hard cause in my head what had happened was a positive to you and it is a positive and it still is i just had to be with some un-affected people for a while but i'm well over it now so thats all good. It's kinda sad that we didn't get to hang out this week but like you were mega sick and bed ridden and also my best friend had no fundage to go down to vist you but theres the BBQ next week that hopefully you can make it up for and have a good times because the male best friend is dying to get you off you tits :P. I don't know you that long so this is only a short letter but hopefully in the future it could be a long one who knows (mega cringe)

Yours,
Ehigg92 <3

Day 1 - My Best Friend

30/6/2010

Dear Best Friend,

I dont need to title this I mean you know who you are, How could you not? Todays letter is to you. Currently i'm sitting in my room playing My Chemical Romance whilst your at a training thing for work. I'm so proud of you for getting a job. I'm trying to think what i want this letter to say, What I want it to mean to you My number one girl My only girl. I guess the best way to do this is to put myself in a situation where you would have to read this letter and it would tell you everything I wanted you to know. So lets say for arguments sake that I am writing this letter to you knowing that I was dying (touch would). The reason i'm using death is because its the only way i'll ever leave you life unless you asked me to.

So baby girl if I was writing this knowing my pending death was near I would want you to know that, They don't matter honey all the people who stood in your way all the people who pushed you down on your way to the top. All those ignorant people who make you feel in secure and all the people that made you think the thoughts you thought. I would want you to know that those people will never matter once your happy and I know in life its going to be hard to feel happy and that it isn't worth living and I know no matter how many times I say "Don't worry babez it'll be ok" you'll still doubt me and think i'm lying that how could this get any better how could this pit of self hate and loathing refill when i have fallen so deep the thing is that that hole will always get deeper because the people that don't matter will keep digging that hole and make it bigger but as i said before what do they matter at the end of the day they're just spades.

I would also want you to know that i'll always love you know matter where or when I am in life you'll always be on mind forever and always

I would want you to know that I love you even more for sticking by me during the rough times all the times i moaned and complained and we fought we always got back to being friends. I would also want you to know how easy it is for me to be with you. Being with you is like being 5 years old again its like a secondary childhood and the only worry i have is do we want ice-cream or pop corn first (always a tough question way tougher than any of that leaving cert stuff)

I would also want you to know that your the funniest person i know i only need to be with you two minuets and i'm in stitches.

Best Friend I have written you umpteen amount of letter's and they all mean the same thing that your my bestie and i love you so i shall conclude this letter with a lyric thats so true to us and i really hope you get it

"Every night I rush to my bed

With hopes that maybe I'll get a chance to see you

When I close my eyes I'm going out of my head

Lost in a fairytale, can you hold my hands and be my guide?"

Love Always,

Ethan <3